Monday, May 31, 2010
pagan poetry

guess i can finally say that i've stopped repeating myself. if only that was true for everything else. scratch that, i remember an entry when i said that if i'm blogging this late, somethings keeping me up.

let's start with the things i don't understand. i don't understand why everything has to be compared with his comprehensive list of issues. statistically, not a lot of people have gone or will have gone through the shit he has. so not everyone will react to situations the way he does. and he can't fucking expect them to. and for godssakes, its 2010 and i would have loved to think we're so over and so beyond the fact that his issues come up every time i come up with one of mine. didn't think this was a competition for who had the worst life in modern history.

i also don't understand the whole 'self' thing. he's always looking out for himself, telling other people to look out for themselves; like relationships were something that happened to other people. and when it comes to relationships, i'm starting to guess he's pretty much fight or flight.

fight, if its worth fighting for, flight when the whole relationship becomes less than a, no, make that, HIS preconceived notion. that's it in a nutshell.

who's the sucker here?

am i here just for a preconceived notion? and he basically told me there's nothing in it for me anyway, he was just here for as long as i was. doesn't seem like a relationship to me, more like a convenient arrangement (read: cop out). i'm tired, i'm angry and feeling like i'm the one eternally trying to level up in this relationship.

tempted to go home, but who am i kidding. its late. and the question is: what does he think i'm here for?! to add insult to injury, i'm very tempted to pull a quick bad girl move off but it'd take energy that i don't have. i feel like such a suckerpunched sucker.




Posted at 12:57 am by 50ftqueen
get down on your knees  




Thursday, April 15, 2010
aware II

i'm in such a funk; feels like i'm stuck underwater. The Ophelia syndrome isn't funny anymore. and i wish, a million times over, for eloquence again. i want to write as much and as well i did several eons ago. aidez-moi. 

Posted at 10:24 am by 50ftqueen
get down on your knees  




Friday, April 02, 2010
words of wisdom

hello darkness my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left it's seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision
That was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
Beneath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed
By the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share...
And no one dare
Disturb the sound of silence.

"Fools," said I, "you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows."
"Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed in the wells of silence.

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out it's warning
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said: "The words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls,
And whisper'd in the sound of silence."


Fits the season.


Posted at 12:52 am by 50ftqueen
get down on your knees  




Tuesday, October 13, 2009
wee for the weekend!

Hey everyone!

I'm the happiest bunnycat, Jeff just passed the FSOs and we're off to Davao next week for a big breather cause I'm enrolling in Research Methods already next semester. I'm growing up! :)


Posted at 11:19 am by 50ftqueen
get down on your knees  




Sunday, June 07, 2009
sleeping with fishes

there were afternoons spent somewhere thinking of someplaces/elsewheres/what might have beens -- and it was you, always you and you. sometimes i am overwhelmed by these unravelling threads we forever left hanging. a thousand ruts to choose from, why do i still choose the most familiar? let's have an eternal cup of coffee sometime, we always started and ended there, i want to look at your face and read new lines and old hurts, then watch as you do the same. i will never forget you.  are you still the same? i knew you so well. 








Posted at 02:29 am by 50ftqueen
get down on your knees  




Saturday, May 16, 2009
satisfy my soul baby, you got to satisfy my soul

finally! some pretty good vibes coming my way, i'm back to school in june! up dharma, up! i swear, its been a massive load off my mind, what with work, the exams and everything else i'm stressing about, my boss allowed me to enroll in migration studies. fame and fortune here i come! plus, the schedules great, 8 am to 2 pm on saturdays so i don't have to pass out from the long hard commute on weekdays; plus i get to have a life after school. and still manage to work on sundays (yes, i work on weekends and holidays).

also, if the universe is still feeling fine and altruistic, i might go to italy for my birthday! (i'll be 25 and i'm theres no way to go but up and away.) I promised myself i'm never taking leaves so i can go on that much delayed trip with my tita. :) and, i might also go to davao with jeffcat in october. i'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed.

this weekend has been a breather. mm, scratch that, more like one drawn out exhalation of relief, really. work's always crazy-hyper, i'm on perpetual overtime (which means i barely sleep or get to do things for myself) but the people are good and i like what i'm doing, i mean hey, some people got it worse than i do. some cash in my pocket, some love from my baby/cat, some good vibing, everything will be alright. watch this space. peace out people, hope the love makes its way to you. :)

Posted at 10:45 pm by 50ftqueen
get down on your knees  




Wednesday, April 08, 2009
homeward bound

hi ho, i'm at the airport suffocating at the tinderbox, off to davao for the holy week, by this time tomorrow i'll be at the beach i swear. had to rush from work earlier to get my ass to the airport in time only to find out that my flight was cancelled. so i'm here, blogging while waiting for the next one while the world whirls around me.

not complaining, the swirling's nice. up karma, up. in the meantime, listen to this.

Cross the street from your storefront cemetery
Hear me hailing from inside and realize I

I am the conscience clear
In pain or ecstasy
And we were all weaned my dear
Upon the same fatigue

You're staring at the sun
(Oh my own voice cannot save me now)
Standing in the sea
(It's just one more breath and then I go down)

Your mouth is open wide
The lover is inside
And all the tumults done
Collided with the sign
You're staring at the sun
You're standing in the sea
Your body's over me

Note the trees because
The dirt is temporary
More to mine than fact face
Name and monetary

Beat the skins and let the
Loose lips kiss you clean
Quietly pour out like light
Like light, like answering the sun

You're staring at the sun
You're standing in the sea
Your mouth is open wide
You're trying hard to breathe
The water's at your neck
There's lightning in your teeth
Your body's over me

You're staring at the sun
You're standing in the sea



Posted at 05:03 pm by 50ftqueen
get down on your knees  




Saturday, March 21, 2009
too wired to sleep

Dissolved Girl
Massive Attack:

Shame
Such a shame
I think I kind of lost myself again

Day
Yesterday
Really should be leaving but I'll stay

Say
Say my name
I need a little love to ease the pain

Its easy to remember when it came
Cause  it feels like I've been
I've been here before
And you're not my savior
But I still don't go
Feels like something that I've done before
I could fake it but I still want more

Fade
Made to fade
Passions overrated anyway

Say
Say my name
I need a little love to ease the pain

Its easy to remember when it came
Cause  it feels like I've been
I've been here before
And you're not my savior
But I still don't go
Feels like something that I've done before
I could fake it but I still want more

Posted at 02:10 am by 50ftqueen
get down on your knees  




Wednesday, February 25, 2009
quarterlife crisis

i can name five other people who are in the same straits as i am; and we're all having coffee later. i've been annoying myself singing Mercedez Benz, but i can't relate that well since i got a colored tv. want to fast forward my life to where i'm 30 and stable, being in between anything sucks big time cause i'm doing nothing but hoping. feel like some wannabe actress/waitress waiting for her big break into hollywood.

Posted at 01:57 pm by 50ftqueen
get down on your knees  




Saturday, December 27, 2008
i'm no grinch

christmas is overrated. just an excuse to stress and hustle.

rock my world 2009. much love for 2008.

best cover of a pink floyd song:

Wish You Were Here
Rasputina

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell, blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze? Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground. How we found the same old fears.
Wish you were here.

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground. How we found the same old fears.
Wish you were here.

watch this space. i'll be coming up with my best and worst list of the year pretty soon. peace out. (take me to the beach)

Posted at 12:31 am by 50ftqueen
get down on your knees  




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kuya boyd
1977-2004










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and i have no fear
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