Monday, May 31, 2010
pagan poetry

guess i can finally say that i've stopped repeating myself. if only that was true for everything else. scratch that, i remember an entry when i said that if i'm blogging this late, somethings keeping me up.

let's start with the things i don't understand. i don't understand why everything has to be compared with his comprehensive list of issues. statistically, not a lot of people have gone or will have gone through the shit he has. so not everyone will react to situations the way he does. and he can't fucking expect them to. and for godssakes, its 2010 and i would have loved to think we're so over and so beyond the fact that his issues come up every time i come up with one of mine. didn't think this was a competition for who had the worst life in modern history.

i also don't understand the whole 'self' thing. he's always looking out for himself, telling other people to look out for themselves; like relationships were something that happened to other people. and when it comes to relationships, i'm starting to guess he's pretty much fight or flight.

fight, if its worth fighting for, flight when the whole relationship becomes less than a, no, make that, HIS preconceived notion. that's it in a nutshell.

who's the sucker here?

am i here just for a preconceived notion? and he basically told me there's nothing in it for me anyway, he was just here for as long as i was. doesn't seem like a relationship to me, more like a convenient arrangement (read: cop out). i'm tired, i'm angry and feeling like i'm the one eternally trying to level up in this relationship.

tempted to go home, but who am i kidding. its late. and the question is: what does he think i'm here for?! to add insult to injury, i'm very tempted to pull a quick bad girl move off but it'd take energy that i don't have. i feel like such a suckerpunched sucker.




Posted at 12:57 am by 50ftqueen

 

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kuya boyd
1977-2004










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